Saturday, May 23, 2009

The latest big news is that I get to see Christopher for Memorial Day weekend!!!

After a quick run (thanks to Kari!), I'm off to Santa Fe early Saturday morning. I'll get into New Mexico early afternoon.  I can pick Christoph up at 3pm and I will have him until 1pm on Monday.  The time is only limited as Bevin scheduled other activities earlier on Saturday and later on Monday.  Even so, I'm appreciative of what Bevin was willing to carve out since I'm just dying to see Christopher!  It feels like it's been so long even though I know it's only been two weeks.
 
Someone said that this would get easier, but so far it really hasn't.  It was somehow easier the first few weeks when I knew Christopher would be enjoying the new-ness of Santa Fe.  Now it's actually more painful.  Part of that is because Christopher seems to be having a harder time and that sticks with me.  Also I guess it just feels more and more wrong...impossible...insane, even though it is the current reality.
 
I struggle with being in the NOW these days.  It's easy when I'm with Christopher because the rest of the world fades away as does the past and future.  But when I'm apart from him, the now is painful.  Not where I want to be.  I have to work hard to focus on doing my best at just putting each foot forward in each day's pursuit and being grateful for all the positive things that I have in my life.  

But RIGHT NOW I can focus on fun because it's nearly time to HIT THE ROAD!  Please keep my safe travels in your thoughts and prayers and know that Christopher and I will have a joyous visit this weekend!

Monday, May 18, 2009

THANK YOU!

Here are more THANKS to go out to several:

Leslie
Brick & Lara
Sid & Barbara
Mia & Jack
D'Marie & Johnnie
John & Melissa
Ed

I remain humbled and so very appreciative by the help we've received and the love, thoughts and prayers from so many!

Mother's Day


I'm a week late in getting out some notes on last weekend. It was really wonderful. I experienced a good bit of drop afterward, which is likely just a confirmation of what a great, short weekend it was! I got to see Christopher from 8pm on Saturday until 8am on Monday. He was amazing. He's just so perfect. Even when he's being a spirited, willful little guy!

Before I could leave Denver Saturday, I did some early morning swimming lessons with Kelly from the triathlon team. She is a great teacher and now I just need to practice the crawl more and am starting to feel I might one day not think of it as freestyle drowning. Then I negotiated two contracts for the non-profit where I volunteer. The first one was our lease and the second was a contract with the City of Denver. I think both went really well and the second even included my favorite decaf soy latte' from Satchel's. Then I
scurried home and immediately hit the road!

It's a longer road trip that I had heard from some, but it's an interesting drive in many ways.
I need some music next time, though. Finding radio stations was tricky. And I had a cool car to drive as well. Fab friends, John and Melissa, loaned me their gas-saving Volkswagon. It is a standard and, although I originally learned to drive on one, it was a major shift in habit. Fun stuff, though. Thank you to John and Mel!

Saturday night was mostly just me unpacking while Christopher played a tiny bit and then we snuggled and slept. How great it was to wake up with him curled up beside me on Mother's Day--just like our first one!
That was all the gift I wanted. We had some banana bread (yummy and made by Gwen) and OJ and then later bagels with cream cheese and chocolate milk. And a hike just outside Santa Fe. Christopher did all his own hiking and even some bouldering.

Afterward, we went on another trail that had a stream and we took off our shoes and did some wading. That was freezing, COLD mountain water! We also floated some leaf boats downstream. Christopher loved it.

Then we went for a soak and sauna at Ten Thousand Waves. That was Christopher's idea! I was a little hesitant because I wasn't sure he'd really like it, but he surely did. We donned our matching kimonos and soaked our feet first while sipping cucumber water and watching the koi pond. Then we got into the tub and enjoyed the jets and heat. Next was the sauna, which I thought he'd surely dislike, but he really loved that too! We also had a bean cake and some hibiscus tea. Though not exactly meditative and quiet, Christopher was really great and had a fun time at the Spa. He also touched some hearts by bringing dandelions and kisses to the Buddhas. He told me that the kissing was going to make the Buddha "come alive."

Heading back "home," he fell asleep. Home for the weekend was with my dear friends, D'Marie and Johnnie who just recently moved to Santa Fe. What a wonderful coincidence from the Universe. After Christopher woke up from his nap, we checked on the nice flower he gave me for Mother's Day and sat out in the adobe courtyard with D'Marie and watched the ants work. We even fed the ants a bit too. Then, when Johnnie got home from work, we went our for an early dinner and Christopher and I shared a huge Italian soda (yes, he ate all the whipped cream and cherries!) After dinner, we all played a board game of Christopher's and then got ready for bed. Once in his PJs, Christopher decided we needed to load up the car and drive home to Denver. He was a bit upset when I told him the real plans, but we got through it.

Monday was a hurried morning. I packed the car and made breakfast for Christopher before he got up. Then we got dressed, ate and said good-byes to D'Marie and a sleepy Johnnie and headed to school. We were a bit early so we got to have an extended time for our own good-byes and that went really well for Christoph. I got gas and headed North. It was a foggy drive, but magically cleared the moment I hit Colorado. I changed cars with Melissa in the Springs and got to work by 1:30pm. Pretty amazing all around.

I'm thankful to friends from all over holding me and Christopher in love. I'm thankful for the generosity of friends like John & Melissa and D'Marie & Johnnie. I'm thankful for Mother's Day with my baby. I'm thankful to Bevin for giving me the time. I'm thankful for Christopher being the wonderful son and beautiful, sensitive, emerging person he is. And I'm thankful to the Universe for the lessons I'm learning in "carpe' diem."


Thursday, May 7, 2009

Survived Birth Day

Got to talk to Christopher twice. He's not very good on the phone and it's pretty hard to understand him when he's even willing to use the phone, but it's still wonderful. He was missing me and having trouble with it in the morning and wanted to call. That felt good in a way, but also made me sad. This is my worst nightmare, but I really don't want him to know that. I want him to just be having fun playing and making friends in New Mexico or wherever he is. Then I called just before 5:30pm which is when he was born four years ago and told him that--the same as I have every year. He was tired, though, and not really able to focus on phone conversation so we said good-night early. I got a chance to get in some extra work hours, so I stayed late at the firm. Document review may not be the most fascinating work, but it does occupy the brain and make the hours pass...and that was very good stuff yesterday. Of course, it also meant a tad extra income which is so needed right now too!


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Christopher was here last weekend






And I got to have a birthday party for him. It was all about Batman...and Robin, of course. He had a huge Robin cake because Robin is actually his favorite. It was a good weekend, but seemed to go by fast since we were so busy. We watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, played with Elmo, had Christopher's Batman birthday party, put together a lot of toys, went to the Green Festival (Christopher even met Charlie and Isabelle!), made a trip to Liks and even fit in some yard work/outdoor play time too.

Tomorrow is his actual birth day, though, and I'm having a hard time with not seeing him. This will be the first time and it's hard to explain how it feels. If you are a Mom, you understand. Emotionally this is certainly a nightmare, but the physical pain of a missing child is somewhat surprising...

I'm trying also to make arrangements so I can see him on Mother's Day. Missing both his birthday and Mother's Day feels incomprehensible.

Still just must put one foot in front of the other and stay focused on not falling down before the finish line.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Photos!

I'm not the best geek, so I just figured out how to add photos to the blog. I went back and added several. Hope everyone enjoys SEEING some of what I had narrated about Christopher's visits. He is just such a joy. He's sensitive, giving, silly, energetic, loving, smart, curious, demanding, funny and just such a wonderful person already. That's best seen in person, but pix are the next best thing. Check out my little man!

A few more THANK YOUs!

Here are a few more THANK YOUs:

Funds from an amazing hat-passing in NYC 
An anonymous donation
Malik & Cathy
D'Marie & Johnnie
And money to come in from a fabulous fundraiser in Arizona spearheaded by those beautiful Dragon folk...who always make me think maybe it should have been AZ rather than CO!
There are also a few others who have promised to help as soon as they can, which I more than understand and appreciate, so early THANK YOUs also to Ilene, Clea and Jeanne!