NM Visit-SEP 3rd Wknd

I got to pick up Christopher at 1:30 from pre-school on Friday and dropped him off at Bevin's office Monday at 3pm.

I hope to add more detail here later.

NM Visit-SEP 1st Wknd

I was able to visit Christopher in Santa Fe this past weekend. Bevin even allowed me to have an extra overnight with him for which I'm really very grateful.

We had a good bit of downtime together, attended the 400th Anniversary of Santa Fe Festival which had some really nice kids activities and also went for a hike. It's the trail Christopher found his walking stick on and so we looked and found me one this weekend too.

His emotional and behavioral issues are getting worse. I'm powerless to help or get him help.

I miss him so much and feel the full weight of the disservice done him. There is no hell worse that not being able to stop your baby from being hurt.

I might add more here later.

Trial 8.31 & 9.1

I'm still pretty emotional over it all, but I know I need to give the results of the final custody trial. Bevin has primary custody; full decision-making. I pay $730/mo child support. I pay half his atty fees, which comes to $25k. Restricted phone calls (Sun/Tue/Thu) and visitation on 1st and 3rd weekends.

I will appeal. I won't give up. I will never give up my son. This is wrong, wrong, wrong for him and I know that in my heart of hearts as only a mother can know. I cannot do any legal work on the case right now, however. I tried last week and just fell apart. I need to focus on getting through each day in between visits with Christopher.

So much of what happened and was said still seems surreal and any shred of belief in justice I still had is entirely gone. The Courts really let him get away with it all and Bevin seems like a monster beyond belief. But now we simply must to find some way to co-parent and do so as civilly as possible for as long as necessary for Christoph. Christopher has to remain the focus and we just need to have tunnel vision as much as humanly possible. Please pray for us all.

Thank you for everyone's help, phone calls, Email, willingness to testify, donations, thoughts, prayers, etc. I appreciate it more than I can ever fully convey. It's not over, but this chapter is closed.

FL Trip!

It seemed that Christoph's favorite parts of Florida were family & friends, Disney, the beach and so very many swimming pools!

We had a fabulous time with (in order of appearance without repeats!): Jake, Gram, Grandma Eleanor and Grandpa Gene, Ms. Clara, Sherri & Chuck (and kiddos), Lisa M, Uncle Randy, Uncle Joey, Uncle Paul, Cousin Payton, Aunt Carol, Lisa F, Aunt Robin, Cousin Emily, Cousin Julia, Cousin Chucky, Kathleen, Cousin Nikki and Cousin Ryan, not to mention all the critters!

The day at Disney was beautiful weather and lots of rides! It was Christopher, me, Paul and Payton and we packed a TON into the day. Christopher went to Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, The Disney Railroad, Country Bear Jamboree, It's a Small World, Grand Prix, Dumbo, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Mickey's PhilHarMagic, two playgrounds and pictures with Chip & Dale, Pooh & Tigger, and Mickey & Minnie! Both kiddos left more than tired!

The beach we hit was absolutely ideal. We went to Ft. DeSoto on the Gulf with Paul, Carol and Payton. We found a pic-nic table in the shade about 15-20 feet from the waves. It was so fab that we were able to stay for most of the day. Christopher did some tummy surfing and learned that the salt water burns your eyes, but it goes away after a bit. I got a little sunburned, but Christopher didn't get a bit. (It's easier to see that he's covered!)

We got to visit with friends Sherri, Chuck, Lisa and Jake. It was great to get to catch up. And Lisa got a new little doggie out of the visit! Christopher loved Chuck's pool and had so much fun playing (and showering!) with the "Brady Bunch" kids!

Christopher told me he was never leaving Florida, but we did have to leave. It was 9 days, but felt so short and went so quickly. I wish we'd have had even more time with all of you there!

Next stop, Disney World!

So...this week I drive down and pick Christopher up in Santa Fe around 1pm on Wednesday. Then we drive back to Denver in time for dinner Wednesday night and then are off to Florida on a morning flight Thursday!

Christopher is so excited. He wants to see Grandpa Gene and Grandma Eleanor (who may really not want to be called that anymore...). He is also super-excited about his cousins. He has six cousins and I hope we'll have a chance to see them all on this visit since we missed a few last time. And, of course, he has been beside himself talking about Disney. I think we may be taking a lot of photos with the characters this round at the Magic Kingdom! Yay, Uncle Paul!

Santa Fe visit August 7-10

After getting in a few hours at work, I headed South and picked Christopher up around 5pm. We ended up staying at school for another half an hour because his water bottle and lunchbox were both lost. Fortunately, much searching did find them!

Saturday, we were up early and off to Christopher's last soccer game. I hope I can post a picture of him in his uniform--too cute. But he doesn't seem to have much interest at all in soccer itself. Still, it's something he enjoys socially.

For dinner, we went to a fun place called the Body Cafe and we had the best veggie burger ever. Really! Christopher and I split a veggie burger, which was huge and a salad and we each had smoothies too. Really yummy. And we spent some time checking out all the Body Cafe has to offer--which is a lot more than food! Yoga, drop-in child care, clothing, massage and maybe more.

Sunday, we got up early and went for a hike. We did a bit of the Chamisa trail, but in the opposite direction of how we've done it in the past. Christopher was really scared by the grade and the slopes off the side of the trail. It wasn't dangerous, but he is experiencing a significant fear of heights recently. I have a bit of that myself! We took it slow and we talked a lot about being careful and about hiking safety. We had a breakfast pic-nic. And we didn't go too far either. Our pic-nic included the ever-favorite soy jerky and a new flavor of freeze-dried ice cream--cookies and cream sandwich. Going back down the trail seemed to feel a lot better for Christopher. When we finished our hike, we went in search of the cold stream we'd visited a few months ago. To our surprise, it had only been a Winter melt stream and was completely dry!

We met some other hikers and got to chatting about the hike and such. They wanted info on the Body Cafe and we gave them a serious thumbs up. One of the parents had cycled to their hike and we talked about that--and their bike trailer that is like Christopher's. Christopher was crazy about their son, Eli. After hanging out for about a half hour, we found out they live in Boulder! Christoph was so excited. He told them, "I live in Colorado too! You can come to my house." One of the parents plays in the orchestra for the Opera in Santa Fe so they were just there for the season. Fun stuff.

Then Christopher and I headed to the O'Keeffe Museum. We had brunch at the O'Keeffe Cafe. I got a mediocre fritatta, but Christopher chose wisely and had really fab blue corn pancakes, which he wanted me to taste. Yummy. Then we toured the museum. He loved it. We read the name of every work. In fact, Christoph has a favorite he saw and I'm trying to find him a print for his bedroom. It's harder to find O'Keeffe prints than you might think!

We had an early dinner at a place with computers and wi-fi and Christopher and I tried to learn a new Batman game after we had looked at some O'Keeffe work online. Then Christopher and Johnnie worked on Christopher's hiking staff. Christoph found it on a hike a few months back. I sawed off the little branches and padded the "handle." Now Johnnie is giving him some of Roadie's shedded lizard skin as a decoration. It's looking quite nice!

Monday morning I took Christopher to school with a big lunch, including tomatoes from our plants at home and an olive assortment from Whole Foods. He was excited about all he packed for lunch and snacks. But he got really sad and resisted going to school, staying at school. He said he wanted to come home with me. It's so hard to work against those arguments when I'd like nothing better. He asked if I didn't want him to come live in Colorado. I assured him that I do want that, but that this is the way it has to be right now. And I did my Santa Fe cheerleader bit. He seemed better by the time I left, but it wrecked me. I did a good job of holding it in until outside, though. That is sometime a battle, but it's hugely important.

Christopher is showing signs of wear and conflict. I think and hope, though, that Bevin and I will be able to agree to him seeing counselors in CO and NM. He needs some help dealing with all the emotion and confusion this situation necessarily brings up. It is sad to be talking about putting a 4 year old into therapy, but this is what we've done to him and we need to help him handle where he is as best as it can be handled.

Denver Visit July 24-27

Just to catch up, I'll post a bit about this weekend and come back to fill in more detail:

Friday was a big day of driving. I drove up on Thursday, but couldn't pick Christoph up until Friday morning. We left at a reasonable time and had a fun drive. We stopped to read all about El Huerfano, a point of geological interest. It's now our favorite part of the trip! And Christopher is pretty fascinated with homesteading from what we've read about the area. There is a detour into Walsenburg and, going through town, we found Christopher a brand new bike. It's a little bigger so is just perfect. We even got home in time for him to get in a little riding.

Saturday morning while out working in the garden, Christopher made two new friends, Zarius and Ronny, Jr. Later, he made another friend, Xavier. While playing poor little Ronny got stung by a yellow jacket. We put baking soda on it. He was a trooper.

On Sunday, we had a morning play date with Keller that was lots of fun. I may be able to even get some pictures from Kari for that!

Then we got a little dressed up and went to the Buell Theatre (Christopher's second time at the theatre, but he was quite young for the 1st one!) We went for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and it was just wonderful. Very well done. Immediately afterward, Christopher said he wanted to got meet the actors. He got some autographs and sang to a few of the actors, but didn't get to meet the children so was a little let down.

Monday morning we had a play date with Saffron at a really cool playground with a huge sea serpent sculpture. It emitted mists of water and was covered in paintings.

Then we had to get ready to hit the road. We didn't have time to stop to chat with El Huerfano, but gave him a greeting as we passed. As I took Christopher to Bevin's house and explained that I was about to drive back to Denver, Christopher asked, "Why are you leaving without me?" Inside, it was an unspeakable question with no answer, but outside I had to jump into my Santa Fe cheerleading. I sometime get so caught up in just enjoying every moment when I'm with Christopher that I can actually forget the big picture of exactly what's happening and how unnatural and wrong it is. Unfortunately, it hits like a ton of bricks once I have to leave him or when he says something like that...

I continue to hope, pray and live for the "one day..." when life will be set aright and I'll have my baby back home.