Intervening Factors

I apologize for taking so long to post. There have been some very unfavorable rulings in the case and that has been both upsetting and confusing.

I have also been dealing with a good deal of harassment from Bevin. He is making threats regarding some of what I have written here. Everything I have written is true to the best of my knowledge and I hope Bevin can see that. I realize that I am incredibly emotional right now and perhaps I should not use the language I have at times. Still, my intent is not to harm Bevin's reputation. To clarify, my intent in this blog is to update my family and friends who are mostly long-distance as to how the custody battle is proceeding and how Christopher and I are coping through all of it.

Back to language:

The words "kidnapping" and "stealing" may be imprecise because what Bevin has done to Christopher is court-sanctioned, even if based on lies and prejudicial mud slinging. So his ripping Christopher away from his mommy and his home and all he knows in Colorado is, thus far, legal even if it feels criminal.

The word "fraud" that I have used with regard to the unauthorized charges Bevin placed on my credit cards may also be imprecise, but that will be up to a court to decide. In February of 2008, Bevin agreed to pay off the $20k balance by Summer 2008. A plain reading indicates that paying off that amount does not include putting on additional charges, especially not for personal expenses. Yet, Bevin did put such charges on my cards without my knowledge or approval. He says he knew it was wrong but had intended to pay it off before I discovered it. He was an authorized user on the cards because he had been put on them while we were partners and he needed to retain such authorization to deal directly with the companies for repayment. Obviously, it was still a costly, stupid blunder on my part. Bevin agreed this past April to aggressively pay down the credit card debt, but so far has only been willing to make minimum payments. I worry about it all the time, but I continue to hope Bevin will uphold this last agreement.

The Court has given Bevin nearly full control over Christopher's life and will likely be given even more at the final hearing. Therefore, at every turn, Bevin is able to threaten to take away communication; take away visitation. We agreed on several trips and Bevin has already chosen to make them very difficult for me. I get bitter. I get angry. Mostly I just cry. This is not the life I wanted for my son. He deserves so much better.

But I also have to say that I am willing to work within this framework. I am willing to do whatever I have to do to see my baby. I will drive 12 hours in one day. I will spend money I don't really have on travel costs. Whatever it takes, I will do it. And I am grateful that Bevin has not taken away everything. There are moments of perhaps compassion. Bevin has not taken away Christopher's trip to Florida to see his grandparents in August. Christopher is excited to see family, the beaches and Disney. His grandparents, Unlces, Aunts and cousins are just excited to see him!

I don't know Bevin anymore and that's really ok. I remain very grateful that he is willing to allow Christopher to enjoy some time with his mama who loves and misses him with all she is. I don't hope that Bevin feels sorry for me. I only hope he thinks enough of his mother to understand that Christopher needs me. Maybe that means I'm groveling. So be it. Whatever I have to do for Christopher is well worth it. So thank you, Bevin, for what you do allow. I appreciate each and every golden moment I have with Christopher. Christopher is the most beautiful soul I have ever met and I am indeed blessed.