Looking toward...NM Visit-OCT 3rd Wknd

I'll get to see Christoph for just about 60 hours this coming weekend. I wish it ever felt like enough time. I look forward to it and think about him constantly for the two weeks between visits, but once I am with him I feel nauseous with the countdown to good-bye. I hate my life. I hate that my son's childhood can now never be the wonderful, magickal time I wanted for him. I couldn't stop my baby being taken away. I'm a failure as a mother.

Denver Visit-OCT 1st Wknd

Christopher arrived in Denver Friday afternoon at 2:30. I picked him up at DIA. I also gave Bevin a ride to the Budget truck rental place. Christopher left crying Monday at 3pm. I wanted to die.

I hope to add more here later.

NM Visit-SEP 3rd Wknd

I got to pick up Christopher at 1:30 from pre-school on Friday and dropped him off at Bevin's office Monday at 3pm.

I hope to add more detail here later.

NM Visit-SEP 1st Wknd

I was able to visit Christopher in Santa Fe this past weekend. Bevin even allowed me to have an extra overnight with him for which I'm really very grateful.

We had a good bit of downtime together, attended the 400th Anniversary of Santa Fe Festival which had some really nice kids activities and also went for a hike. It's the trail Christopher found his walking stick on and so we looked and found me one this weekend too.

His emotional and behavioral issues are getting worse. I'm powerless to help or get him help.

I miss him so much and feel the full weight of the disservice done him. There is no hell worse that not being able to stop your baby from being hurt.

I might add more here later.

Trial 8.31 & 9.1

I'm still pretty emotional over it all, but I know I need to give the results of the final custody trial. Bevin has primary custody; full decision-making. I pay $730/mo child support. I pay half his atty fees, which comes to $25k. Restricted phone calls (Sun/Tue/Thu) and visitation on 1st and 3rd weekends.

I will appeal. I won't give up. I will never give up my son. This is wrong, wrong, wrong for him and I know that in my heart of hearts as only a mother can know. I cannot do any legal work on the case right now, however. I tried last week and just fell apart. I need to focus on getting through each day in between visits with Christopher.

So much of what happened and was said still seems surreal and any shred of belief in justice I still had is entirely gone. The Courts really let him get away with it all and Bevin seems like a monster beyond belief. But now we simply must to find some way to co-parent and do so as civilly as possible for as long as necessary for Christoph. Christopher has to remain the focus and we just need to have tunnel vision as much as humanly possible. Please pray for us all.

Thank you for everyone's help, phone calls, Email, willingness to testify, donations, thoughts, prayers, etc. I appreciate it more than I can ever fully convey. It's not over, but this chapter is closed.

FL Trip!

It seemed that Christoph's favorite parts of Florida were family & friends, Disney, the beach and so very many swimming pools!

We had a fabulous time with (in order of appearance without repeats!): Jake, Gram, Grandma Eleanor and Grandpa Gene, Ms. Clara, Sherri & Chuck (and kiddos), Lisa M, Uncle Randy, Uncle Joey, Uncle Paul, Cousin Payton, Aunt Carol, Lisa F, Aunt Robin, Cousin Emily, Cousin Julia, Cousin Chucky, Kathleen, Cousin Nikki and Cousin Ryan, not to mention all the critters!

The day at Disney was beautiful weather and lots of rides! It was Christopher, me, Paul and Payton and we packed a TON into the day. Christopher went to Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, The Disney Railroad, Country Bear Jamboree, It's a Small World, Grand Prix, Dumbo, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Mickey's PhilHarMagic, two playgrounds and pictures with Chip & Dale, Pooh & Tigger, and Mickey & Minnie! Both kiddos left more than tired!

The beach we hit was absolutely ideal. We went to Ft. DeSoto on the Gulf with Paul, Carol and Payton. We found a pic-nic table in the shade about 15-20 feet from the waves. It was so fab that we were able to stay for most of the day. Christopher did some tummy surfing and learned that the salt water burns your eyes, but it goes away after a bit. I got a little sunburned, but Christopher didn't get a bit. (It's easier to see that he's covered!)

We got to visit with friends Sherri, Chuck, Lisa and Jake. It was great to get to catch up. And Lisa got a new little doggie out of the visit! Christopher loved Chuck's pool and had so much fun playing (and showering!) with the "Brady Bunch" kids!

Christopher told me he was never leaving Florida, but we did have to leave. It was 9 days, but felt so short and went so quickly. I wish we'd have had even more time with all of you there!

Next stop, Disney World!

So...this week I drive down and pick Christopher up in Santa Fe around 1pm on Wednesday. Then we drive back to Denver in time for dinner Wednesday night and then are off to Florida on a morning flight Thursday!

Christopher is so excited. He wants to see Grandpa Gene and Grandma Eleanor (who may really not want to be called that anymore...). He is also super-excited about his cousins. He has six cousins and I hope we'll have a chance to see them all on this visit since we missed a few last time. And, of course, he has been beside himself talking about Disney. I think we may be taking a lot of photos with the characters this round at the Magic Kingdom! Yay, Uncle Paul!